Walking This World in CLown Shoes

If I were to have a reality t.v show, it would be themed after this. Not the stage life of a character or clown, but walking  in this world with the mind of a clown.  There are some amazing rules that the lineage of clown has always passed down. At clown school these were some of my first lessons as a teenager , and these rules have played a major majestic role in who I’ve become. They are my “go to’s” when things get rough.  They have guided me in surrounding myself with other foolmates who are also interested in getting through this life with as much joy and laughter that can be squeezed out; or shall I say, spit out!!

Humor is a very delicate thing.  It takes many different forms depending on whose around. Everyone’s funny bone is shaped and sized different.  Knowing you can’t tickle everyone’s funny bone is a huge chunk of fool knowledge.  People’s joy and laughter are their own, and a clown is only there to help access it.   Barely slip sliding, ever so gingerly, around the uncomfortable life situations, and seize that laughter button by surprise. POW! BOOM!

Much like the Hippocratic oath for Doctors, clowns go by are own oaths:

There is nothing funny about truly hurting someone for a laugh

The best joke is on yourself

Knock ego down a few pegs while amplifying the low at heart and they will meet for a laugh

It has always been a call to service amongst human relations and one I love, love,love to fill.

Daily life in the MIND of a CLOWN

Clown Act #141

Traveling alone, and spending too many hours lounging in the airport, brings a new level of boredom.  Now bringing me to the point of making chitty chat with others around me.  Waiting in a line that resembles a mass bunching of people and suitcases, a man in a business suit begins talking to me. 

Pleasantly nice fellow skimming the surface of small talk mergers with the quickest of moments where humor tends to live.  The anvil falls from the sky…or rather my gum.  As nice fellow is finishing up a sentence about where and why he is flying, he takes a quick glance over and around me to survey check-in.  In the split second his eyes are off me, the wad of gum I’m chewing accidentally jumps out of my mouth and lands on his shiny black shoe.  When I say accident, I mean it.  For whatever reason lost my mouth coordination , much like accidentally drooling at the most inappropriate time.  

 As his eyeballs refocus,  realizing what just happened, I gracefully meet him back for eye contact.  As I read his eyes, it is apparent  that he saw NOTHING! He was busy checking numbers on a board while the gum was falling through space to meet up with his shoe.  It was an glorious clown feat, that in rehearsals would take days to perfect.  Gracefully we said goodbye to board our flights, and my gum got on a flight to Milwaukie while I flew to NY

Clown Incident #404 (once again at the airport)

I’m running absolutely late for an international flight which is very coordinated to meet up with other flights.  I haven’t slept in 48 hours and for some reason I am also carrying four suitcases and two carry-ons.  To say the least, I’m a bit laden.  Totally frazzled and doing my best to restrain the anxiety I feel, I smile casually at the ticket attendant.  Checking in as if I’m three hours early. 

One piece of my luggage is seventeen pounds overweight!  At this point I’ve hit my 7th wind and without reacting or replying, swiftly grab my sixty-seven pound suitcase off the scale to start rearranging.  As soon as the case hits the floor the zipper busts open.  I try to catch one side of the case as it’s stuffed walls fly open, but instead the surprise trips my feet and I start wobbling backwards into the rest of  cases.

Oddly, and perfectly enough,  this explosion made my glitter make-up go flying and accents the blubbering energy with a cloud of glitter.    I get my feet bearings, breathe in, and look at the attendant with a sheepish smile.  I just wanted to reassure her that I had everything under control, despite what it might look like.   It appeared no one else thought this was amusing. Yet, in my brain it was a well tuned, orchestrated, wonderland of clowning around.  It was the glitter flying in the air that snapped me out of  any embarrassment or anxiety the situation would have normally left.  Now with a new sense of hope, my clown shoes on, I was ready to re-pack four suitcases, and  two carry-ons in a restricted six by six space.   A pissed audience, props and a time restraint make for a very good clowning environment.

(after a nice airport run, I made my flight)

Clown Act #65  airport

(airports are my favorite places to be, btw)

This time I was accompanied by one of my favorite foolmates, Captain Maggots.  It was an exceptionally early morning as we departed from everyone to fly home.  Being the wee hours of the morning,  Maggots and I were especially sharp and giddy.  As we began to weave ourselves through the maze of empty security lines, we devised a plan…We took notice how uncomfortable it is for everyone involved to go through a security line.  Fumbling to get laptops, liquids, shoes off, metals in bins, belts,  and baby food, is a feat leaving most,  feeling pissed and impatient.  The security people herding other humans in order to confiscate bombs and guns that they might have, only to take thousands of pounds of toothpaste and deoderant.   

Maggots and I decide that we are going to go through the security process moving as slow as we can.  Taking are time.  Not slo mo, but moving as fast as you would if  home taking off your shoes and coat.  Whoever was the last at the end of the conveyer belt won.  Taking note, the security lines were on the empty side when we decided to do this.  A small calm sleepy clan was our audience.  People at work looked bored and stoic.  It was a prime opportunity to throw some giggles about.  I was stunned at how difficult it was to stay slow for that entire process. My muscle memory kept wanting to speed up, but it soon became like a slow dance because I would exagerate all my movements to make all of the undressing and dressing drag out even longer. 

It was a grand success with few key people watching it unfold and chuckling, others didn’t even see it happening.  This game I like to call “UNDERCOVER CLOWN WORK”

(I don’t suggest trying this around holidays at your local airport)


4 thoughts on “Walking This World in CLown Shoes

  1. i was never a huge contessa fan. then i read this. congrats, you have passed aprella and maggots to come in second on my list of favorite bloody crumpets!

  2. ” I just wanted to reassure her that I had everything under control, despite what it might look like. It appeared no one else thought this was amusing. Yet, in my brain it was a well tuned, orchestrated, wonderland of clowning around. ”

    Aaaah this is *perfect*! I don’t understand people who don’t appreciate those types of moments. Those incredible, couldn’t happen even if you had tried, hilarious, flawless incidences. I know if I was the check in lady I would have lost it in a fit of giggles.

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